That Awkward Moment! Who Pays on the First Date?

You’ve had a wonderful first date, or worse, it’s been a car crash, and then that awkward moment happens. The waiter asks if you are ready for the check. The rules of the dating game are rapidly evolving, but does that age-old tradition still stand? Should the guy always pay? Should you offer to split it? If he takes you up on it, is he then undateable?

Let me give you my spicy take on the first question. Yes, the guy should pay on the first date, and here’s why…

Setting the Tone for Effort

When a man pays for the first date, it sends a clear message: he is willing to invest in the potential relationship. This is not purely about financial investment but about showing effort and respect. It’s a signal that he values this time together and is committed to making a good impression. This kind of effort in the early stages lays the groundwork for mutual respect and effort as the relationship progresses.

Aligning with Human Psychology

Historically and psychologically, men have often been seen as providers. This isn’t just a societal construct but also aligns with some psychological perspectives that suggest men inherently enjoy the role of being a provider and protector. By paying for the first date, men tap into this instinctual behavior, which can be both fulfilling for them and maybe even reassuring for you. It’s a subtle nod to traditional roles, and now and again, that can be refreshing.

Acknowledging Women’s Hidden Costs

It’s no secret that preparing for a date can be both time-consuming and expensive, particularly for women. From finding the perfect outfit to stepping out of the salon with a fabulous blow-dry, women often incur hidden costs before the date even begins. When a man pays for the date, it can be seen as an acknowledgment and appreciation of the time, effort, and money that women often invest in preparation.

The Inviter-Pays Principle

A simple yet powerful guideline in dating is that the person who extends the invitation should cover the expenses. If a man asks a woman out on a date, it’s a gesture of goodwill for him to handle the bill. This principle promotes fairness and respect, removing any ambiguity about who is responsible for the costs of the evening.

Gracefully Setting the Tone

For women, gracefully navigating the moment when the check arrives can be crucial. One approach is to avoid the offer to split the bill and instead express genuine gratitude. A heartfelt “Thank you for dinner, I had a wonderful time,” acknowledges the gesture and shows appreciation without undermining the man’s role in the evening. This approach can make the man feel valued for his efforts and establish a tone of graciousness and appreciation in the relationship.

In conclusion, while modern dating continues to evolve with new norms and expectations, the tradition of men paying on the first date holds significant value. It’s not about the financial aspect but about what the gesture represents: effort, respect, acknowledgment of hidden efforts, and adherence to social cues. As we navigate the complexities of modern relationships, sometimes embracing a bit of tradition can be a welcome relief.